At the start of this year, I chose my word for the year: Lemon. Or rather, Lemon chose me.

It happened during my New Year’s Day run when I picked up a lemon along the route. I don’t believe in coincidences, so I looked into the spiritual meaning of lemons and found themes of cleansing, protection, transformation, clarity, and focus. Those last two—clarity and focus—struck a chord. They seemed exactly what I needed for a year that already felt murky and directionless.

And yet, now that I’m sitting here writing, that initial spark of excitement around the word “Lemon” feels dim. January is flying by, but the year itself feels sluggish. I’ve yet to find my rhythm or feel truly motivated. No matter how much I rest or how well I try to sleep, I can’t seem to shake the tiredness. My husband thinks my iron levels might be low, but I suspect it’s still the after-effects of the spider bite and anaesthetics from just over a month ago.

Two weekends ago, I ran a 15-kilometre training run—my longest run since my operation last year. It felt hard, far harder than it should have. That struggle convinced me to skip the 15-kilometre race I’d signed up for this past weekend. I’m not ready to race yet, and I hate admitting that.

If I’m honest, my goals for the year feel heavy, almost impossible, like I’m dragging them uphill. And let’s talk about Strava. Every January 1st, it wipes the slate clean, resetting everything from the previous year. It’s like all those miles and hard work disappear into nothingness. I can’t help but wish for a way to carry some momentum forward instead of starting over—or at least that’s what it feels like.

Last year, I was excited to increase my training volume and prepare for something big. This year, I’m not sure what lies ahead. There’s no looming goal that excites me in the same way—but honestly, I don’t want the pressure of a big goal either. Yes, you can call me indecisive.

Is there a name for this beginning-of-the-year dread? That slump where motivation feels like it’s hiding?

If you’ve ever felt stuck between the old year and the new, not quite ready to dive into your goals, I’d love to hear how you navigated it. Maybe, like lemons, something cleansing or transformative is waiting to be discovered.

For now, I’ll keep running, writing, and searching for clarity and focus.

If you’ve selected one, what’s your word for the year, and how is it guiding you so far?

On the 2nd of January my friend, Thandie, encouraged me to put the lemon I picked up to good use. We toasted to the New Year and lots of positive vibes.