I recently attended a talk by Mark Sham titled Happiness Isn’t What You Think. During the presentation, he guided us through an exercise on gratitude:

• Think of someone you’re grateful for.
• Meditate on why you’re grateful to have this person in your life.
• Write down these reasons in a letter.
• When the opportunity arises, read this letter to that person.

I feel incredibly fortunate to have many people in my life to be grateful for, but for this exercise, the first person who came to mind was my husband. Reflecting on why I am so thankful to have him in my life made me feel deeply emotional, and I’d like to share those reasons.

Here’s what came to mind:

• I’m grateful for the times when I can look to my right while working at my desk, and ask, “What’s the grep command again to list everything without a particular substring in it?” (or whatever other programming problem I’m stuck on), and he replies, “It’s -v. Yes, I know it doesn’t make much sense.”
• When I return home from my early morning workout and see his car in the garage, I’m grateful not to return to an empty house. Knowing that he has dropped the kids off at school, allowing me time to exercise without worry, brings me immense peace.
• I’m grateful for the quiet moments, lying on the bed with him, reading or scrolling on my phone, where there’s no pressure to be anything but present and comfortable together.
• I’m grateful for engaging, grown-up conversations on various subjects when I want to talk.
• I’m grateful for someone who asks about my interests and never ridicules my passions but supports them in any way he can.
• I’m grateful for all the times he says he loves and spoils me.
• When serious issues arise, I’m grateful for a partner who faces responsibility head-on, without retreat.
• I’m grateful for a true partner with whom to face this big, sometimes scary thing called life.
• And I’m so grateful for someone I can give my love to, knowing he genuinely appreciates it.

Reflecting on these reasons, I noticed none were grand gestures or material things. I didn’t list being provided for, having a roof over my head, or having food to eat—all things I am deeply grateful for, of course. But what filled my thoughts first were the ordinary, everyday moments, the coming and going, and the simple interactions that make me feel secure, loved, and cared for.

What are the things you value most in your relationships?