Blog on Mart-Mari Breedt

Someone Was Watching

Tue, 14 Jul 2026 00:00:01 +0000

The past two weeks have been filled with celebrations as both my husband and my youngest celebrated their birthdays. And then there was cross-country… which, despite all the celebrations, is what stood out most.

Every year, cross-country reminds me that I am, indeed, a road runner. My coach insists it does me good, so I dutifully pin on my race number and convince myself that perhaps this year it won’t be quite so bad.

Still Here

Tue, 30 Jun 2026 10:00:00 +0000

Last week, an I follow had me thinking about why we do the things we do.

Why do I run, for example?

I love being reminded of this now and then because motivation is fickle. A friend recently commented on another friend’s Strava feed that motivation has no loyalty. It is with you one day and gone the next.

And that is true for all of us. Me included.

The Hairband

Tue, 16 Jun 2026 10:00:00 +0000

Last week, my daughter got a hairband stuck in her hair.

Not just tangled — properly stuck.

I tried pulling gently. I tried working it loose with my fingers. I tried approaching it from different angles. Nothing worked.

Frustrated, she suggested we cut it out.

I was stunned. She is fiercely proud of her long blonde hair, protective of it even. The last person I expected to suggest cutting it was her.

The Mental Marathon

Tue, 02 Jun 2026 10:00:00 +0000

Why is it that lately, whenever I sit down to write this newsletter, I feel like I have nothing to say?

Which is absurd, really, because something objectively amazing happened these past two weeks: I completed my fifth marathon, well within the cutoff.

I should be proud. I should be celebrating.

Instead, I came home disappointed.

Not because something went wrong. But because, somewhere deep down, I had hoped for more. And I am a fan of setting goals, but it always carries the risk of not reaching them, which can be disappointing. I wanted to run better. Faster. Stronger. I wanted proof that all the training was translating into improvement.

One by One, They Fly

Tue, 19 May 2026 10:00:00 +0000

There have been so many signs lately that I am growing older much faster than I want to. And I am already feeling a bit insecure about it because I am trying to grow my grey out… again. It is currently at that horrible stage where it is so tempting to just go colour it.

We were celebrating my 45th birthday this past weekend, seeing as I am going to be in Cape Town for the remainder of this coming week, and I decided to have a glass of wine. Boy, that did not go down well. I have officially reached the age where any alcohol creates havoc with my sleep and HRV.

My Strange Little World

Tue, 05 May 2026 10:30:00 +0000

I was sitting in a meeting two weeks ago, helping plan the menu for a matric farewell.

At one point, I joked that at least this isn’t an evening where we have to force vegetables onto anyone’s plate… but we should probably have a few options besides just a salad.

So I asked what else we could include.

The suggestions were: potatoes. Corn.
And then… nothing.

It wasn’t wrong. It just felt limited.

As Long As I Can Plan It

Tue, 21 Apr 2026 10:00:00 +0000

I’m in the peak of marathon training at the moment, and it’s hard. This past weekend I hurt my foot — nothing major, I hope. And that’s been frustrating. Not just because of the interruption, but because of how quickly my mind goes to: “You messed this up.”

As if one small thing undoes weeks of consistency.

It made me realise how easily I slip into thinking: “I’m bad at this.”

When Better Gets Harder

Tue, 07 Apr 2026 10:00:00 +0000

I’ve recently increased the weights I use for my strength training.

They’re not the kind you can quickly adjust — changing them is a bit of a mission. And while it does feel good to know I’ve progressed enough that my old weights became too easy… these new ones are hard.

Properly hard.

Hard enough that I’ve noticed something I don’t love: I’ve started avoiding my strength sessions.

Which feels a bit ridiculous, because this is exactly what I wanted, wasn’t it?

What Is Real?

Tue, 24 Mar 2026 10:00:00 +0000

For someone who likes plans, certainty, and clear direction, the past few weeks have felt particularly uncomfortable.

My daughter hasn’t been well, and we still don’t have clear answers. Maybe it’s nothing. Actually, it’s highly unlikely that it’s nothing; we simply don’t know how serious it is yet — and that uncertainty has a way of sitting heavily in the background of everything else.

I’ve realised how much I rely on things being measurable, definable, and predictable. I like knowing what I’m dealing with and what comes next. Not knowing feels like standing still without a map.

A Strange Quiet

Tue, 10 Mar 2026 10:00:00 +0000

After running my fourth marathon just more than a week ago, I expected to have so much to say.

Instead, there’s a strange quiet.

Where is the neat little story about perseverance, grit, and the magic of race day?

I don’t have it.

Instead, I find myself wondering whether signing up for two marathons so close together was actually a good idea. It probably wasn’t. At the time, it felt exciting. Ambitious. Like something my future self would thank me for.

Just Me

Tue, 24 Feb 2026 10:00:00 +0000

It’s race week! On Saturday, I’m running my next marathon.

The other day, I saw an that said:

It’s always “Why do you run so much?”
and never “What mile can I meet you at with snacks?”

I laughed. Because — true story.

At the start of this year, while discussing leave, I mentioned that I’m planning to run a marathon at the end of February. A colleague looked at me and asked, quite sincerely:

What “Keep Trying” Looks Like

Tue, 10 Feb 2026 10:00:00 +0000

My foot caught on a lip of uneven concrete, and before I could even comprehend what was happening, I was down.

There is a specific, jarring shock to falling at forty-four. It’s not quite like falling as a kid, which was already bad for me; it’s a heavy, bone-rattling impact that leaves you winded on the side of a busy road, traffic blurring past while you check for blood and broken pride. I sat there for quite some time, brushing grit off my palms, wondering why I do this at all.

When Everything Changes at Once

Tue, 27 Jan 2026 10:30:00 +0000

Wow, this year has started with a bang.

My father-in-law passed away the day before my husband and I were due to return to work after our December and January leave. Although he had been ill for some time, it was still a huge shock for all of us. I have already lost both my parents, but for my husband, this is his first experience of losing a parent, and it’s been heartbreaking to watch him go through this. And don’t let me start on what it’s been like for our children.

A Promise Kept (and a new way forward)

Tue, 13 Jan 2026 10:30:00 +0000

I took a long break from writing. It was necessary. It was good. But I’m ready to start again — carefully, intentionally, and hopeful that I’ll find the rhythm I managed to hold over the last two years.

2025 wasn’t a year of big ambitions. I stepped back from marathons to focus on shorter distances and gave cross-country a try. My only real target was a mileage goal: 2,600 km.

Question Everything

Tue, 02 Dec 2025 10:30:00 +0000

Way back when I wrote my learner’s licence test, things worked differently: you first wrote the exam, and then you did your eye test. I remember sitting down for the eye test, relieved that I had passed, only for the instructor to look at me with a seriousness I didn’t expect.

“I’m sorry… I can’t give you your licence.”

I felt my stomach drop. “Why?”

“Because you cannot see.”

I was seventeen when I learned that I had been walking around in a world I couldn’t see clearly. I still remember putting on my first pair of glasses and staring at the trees outside. I stood there completely still because for the first time in my life, I could make out individual leaves. I had genuinely believed everyone saw trees the way I did: soft green smudges. It never once occurred to me that my “normal” wasn’t actually normal.

Grace is a Strength

Tue, 18 Nov 2025 10:30:00 +0000

This past week, our weather hasn’t been great. On Tuesday, I got properly soaked during my track session, and afterwards, I had to rush straight home — no coffee, no lingering, just wet shoes and that quiet frustration you feel when the day starts too fast.

Then on Sunday morning, when it was time for my long run, it was pouring again. And for once, instead of pushing myself out the door, I realised I actually had the space to pause. So I decided to get another cup of coffee, catch up on some speeches I am writing for next year, check the weather later, and told myself that I’d run from home if the day allowed it.

Goal-Oriented

Tue, 04 Nov 2025 10:30:00 +0000

Can you feel the end of the year approaching? I can certainly feel it, and that feeling usually gets me thinking about goals again — not just big ones like marathons or life milestones, but also the small, steady ones that quietly shape who I become. As you might’ve noticed by now, I usually write my newsletters about the one thing that stood out most to me in the past two weeks, and this time it was a moment that reminded me exactly why goals matter so much.

When Everything Has Priority

Tue, 21 Oct 2025 10:30:00 +0000

Stepping into our house the other day, I caught the tail end of a conversation between my husband and our youngest son. They were discussing some computer game he was playing, and the sentence I overheard—completely out of context—was: “If everything has priority, then nothing has priority.”

A revelation and a half for a thirteen-year-old, I thought. But then again, this is the same child who, a few years ago, at a resort displaying the sign “We’re proudly cashless,” asked, “Is that just a fancy way of saying they’re poor?” So I’ve come to expect his bright little flashes of insight.

Asking for a “Quack! Quack!”

Tue, 07 Oct 2025 10:30:00 +0000

Now and then, I hit a wall. It feels like I’ve tried everything, thought through every angle, and still nothing works. The problem before me becomes heavy and immovable — and I feel stuck.

I’ve learned that the way out isn’t always to push harder. Sometimes, it’s to speak. Out loud.

A colleague many years ago showed me this in the quirkiest way: he kept a tiny rubber duck glued to the top of his computer screen. Whenever he got stuck on a problem and couldn’t find a colleague to listen, he’d explain it to the duck — a strange thing to witness! More often than not, he’d already uncovered the answer by the time he’d finished talking it through.

The Person You Haven’t Met Yet

Tue, 23 Sep 2025 10:30:00 +0000

The latest program kicked off recently, and on their first Saturday, those of us at track got to meet some of the new group. That morning, one woman arrived early. She didn’t want to walk alone, so I offered to walk with her. At first, I set off too fast, but soon slowed to her pace. Just starting is a tricky thing; I’ve forgotten what that feels like.

When You Miss Yourself

Tue, 09 Sep 2025 10:30:00 +0000

One of my favourite sayings is, “Remember, whatever you’re not changing, you’re choosing.” I often use this line whenever I notice someone complaining about a repairable situation but not doing anything about it. I also remind myself of it whenever I feel stuck in a frustrating, ongoing situation.

It’s a hard line to hear. The moment I think of it, I can almost hear the “But, but, but…” bubbling up inside me.

Making Space in a Messy Middle

Tue, 26 Aug 2025 10:30:00 +0000

Last week, while I was waiting in the car to collect our children from school, my husband sent me a message: “ There is a car I’d like to check out this afternoon.” (We’re looking for a second-hand vehicle to replace his current one, perhaps something our eldest can use while learning to drive.)

I wasn’t feeling well that day and replied, “ I would love to lie down for a little while after the school run.”

When Hate Is All That’s Left

Tue, 12 Aug 2025 10:00:00 +0000

People talk about the love-hate relationship with running (or any pursuit, really) as if the “love” will always outweigh the “hate.” As if that tension is sustainable forever. But what happens when it isn’t? What happens when the hate quietly crowds out the love — not in one dramatic blow, but slowly, through a hundred small disappointments, sore spots, setbacks, unmet hopes?

When all that’s left is the dread of another session, the shame of being slow, the fear of never improving — and the guilt of admitting out loud that I don’t want this anymore?

What Fear Tells Me About Freedom

Tue, 29 Jul 2025 10:30:00 +0000

Last week, I was challenged about the reason behind my consistency when my running partner admitted he hated running 1600m intervals.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because I can’t hit the pace set on TrainingPeaks.”

“But then run them at the best pace you can manage.”

“Yes, I can do that… but then I won’t get a green tick.”

“So? Why do you always have to get a green tick?”

“I guess for the same reason you can’t skip a workout.”

The Power of Doing Something

Tue, 15 Jul 2025 10:30:00 +0000

For the past three years, I’ve helped my youngest daughter’s drama teacher write speeches for her students as the new school year approaches. Last year, we worked on eighteen! It’s something I genuinely enjoy. It challenges me not only because I have to come up with debatable arguments from the topics we’re given, but also because I often have to write from a perspective I don’t personally agree with or know much about.

Foggy Glasses and Other Things I Can’t Fix

Tue, 01 Jul 2025 10:30:00 +0000

I don’t like wearing my glasses when I run. But I also can’t see without them, and I’ve never been able to get contact lenses into my eyes—so it is what it is, a necessary evil.

In winter, it’s even more horrible. And right now, it’s the middle of winter here in South Africa. My glasses fog up in the cold morning air, especially when running track. It’s a constant dance of wiping, adjusting, and squinting through the mist. I keep joking, “Can’t see with them, can’t see without them,” or “I’m going to run into a goalpost soon,” just to keep the annoyance light. But it is an annoyance. One of those problems I can’t fix, but I manage as best I can.

Dash's gloves are thicker

Tue, 17 Jun 2025 10:00:00 +0000

The other day, I wasn’t quite sure how to make sense of the box of goodies that had been left behind at the 30km mark—the first table we supported at during Comrades. We had sport gels, empty packets, running kit—some clean, some very much not—that needed to be sorted and cleaned. These items might only make their way back to their owners in a week or two, and I certainly didn’t want anyone receiving two-week-old sweaty clothes.

Subscribe To My Newsletter

Mon, 16 Jun 2025 11:45:57 +0000

My newsletters have transitioned to a new provider, and I’m delighted to share the new .

Too Tired

Tue, 27 May 2025 10:00:00 +0000

The past two weeks have been rough. I’m not even going to dress it up. My sleep, or the lack of it, has pushed me to the edge. (Stupid perimenopause, well, that is what I think it is.) I’ve tried everything. The first round of prescription meds I got earlier this year didn’t work. The second left me feeling drugged and groggy, even more tired than before. A third script followed, but I decided not to fill it right away. I’d rather face my bad sleep head-on than risk going through that again. I am tired of experimenting on top of being physically exhausted.

Not Ready. Just Curious.

Tue, 13 May 2025 10:00:00 +0000

I’ve done enough 10km time trials by now to know my typical reactions: either I dread them, feeling unprepared, annoyed, and not in the mood, or I go in too confident, sure I’ll crush it… only to be disappointed.

That disappointment has started to weigh on me more than I realised. It lingers. I work so hard, consistently, and still, the outcomes sometimes—uhm, often—don’t reflect the effort I’ve put in. Over time, something in me has quietly shifted. I’ve started not wanting to try—not because I don’t care, but because I care so much. I hate the hurt that comes with feeling like I’ve fallen short.

Bringing the Rolls Anyway

Tue, 29 Apr 2025 10:00:00 +0000

I baked some resurrection rolls the other day for our Easter Sunday service. It was my first time making them. I’m fairly confident in baking, but I don’t usually bake bread, and this recipe was particularly odd. Somehow, I forgot that I was supposed to halve the marshmallows, and well… my rolls looked less like an empty tomb and more like an explosion from within one. Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating a little, but they didn’t look quite how they were supposed to.

It Won’t Always Be This Way

Tue, 15 Apr 2025 10:00:00 +0000

And just like that, some good things — and things I wasn’t looking forward to — ended.

The school holidays disappeared in a flash. Why only a week? My husband and son’s trip to the South African National Track Cycling Champs in Cape Town is now behind us. I’m so proud of my eldest, Erik, who brought home two silver medals and a bronze — such a big moment for him.

Our Family Photos

Wed, 09 Apr 2025 16:33:27 +0000

Yesterday we received new family photos, and I could not be happier with them. Here is a look back at our pictures over the years. Jackie from captured all of these photos.

My Ridiculous Distance Goal

Tue, 01 Apr 2025 10:00:00 +0000

Anyone who has spent time with me on the road this year—or in the comments on Strava—has probably heard me curse this ridiculous distance goal of mine. My coach,

In 2024, I ran 2,500 km. My goal was 2,400 km, but I managed it well and exceeded it by 100 km. When Michelle and I had our recap and planning meeting at the end of last year, we decided to aim for 2,600 km in 2025. Even then, it felt like a heavy goal—something I told Michelle right from day one.

Quitting Guarantees None

Tue, 18 Mar 2025 10:00:00 +0000

These past two weeks have been challenging. First, I did something strange to my knee during my track session on the morning my last newsletter went out. That forced me to take a few days off running—not ideal, but necessary. My knee is improving, though it’s still not 100%. Then, as if that wasn’t enough, my sleep took a turn for the worse. For some reason, I’ve been sleeping restlessly and waking up exhausted, despite getting more than eight hours of sleep every night.

Why I Started Writing

Tue, 04 Mar 2025 10:00:00 +0000

The other day, a WhatsApp conversation with a friend made me stop and think again about why I do what I do.

We were chatting about her Comrades plans, and she asked about my running goals for the year.

“I’ll probably keep supporting at Comrades until, someday, I’m strong and fast enough to run it myself. If that ever happens.”

“2027 would be a good year to run it,” she replied.

Dealing with Despondency

Tue, 18 Feb 2025 10:00:00 +0000

With Valentine’s Day that has just passed, love is in the air—but what about self-love? It’s easy to focus on showing care for others while neglecting ourselves. Loving yourself means being kind to yourself even when you have low motivation. We all get there, and it’s a tough feeling to sit with—that sense of “what’s the point of continuing?” or “I might as well stop trying.” Lately, I’ve been feeling like that again. And I’m not sure why—sometimes motivating myself is difficult!

Health Beyond Numbers

Tue, 04 Feb 2025 10:00:00 +0000

These past two weeks a friend who had lost 80kg via bariatric surgery within the space of 2024 alone, made me again ask myself the question “Am I the fool for having done things the way that I did it?” My husband says it must feel to me like saving up to buy an expensive car for three years, and then having the car go on sale for a third of the price the day after I had finally bought it. That’s not a bad analogy. But it’s not the most accurate analogy either. Every journey and what’s gained or lost during each is different.

Lemon Mojo Struggles

Tue, 21 Jan 2025 10:30:00 +0000

At the start of this year, I chose my word for the year: Lemon. Or rather, Lemon chose me.

It happened during my New Year’s Day run when I picked up a lemon along the route. I don’t believe in coincidences, so I looked into the spiritual meaning of lemons and found themes of cleansing, protection, transformation, clarity, and focus. Those last two—clarity and focus—struck a chord. They seemed exactly what I needed for a year that already felt murky and directionless.

Procrastination Disguised as Planning

Tue, 07 Jan 2025 10:00:00 +0000

With the start of 2025 and a flurry of New Year’s resolutions, I wondered why we often wait for a Monday, the 1st of the month, or a new year to start something. Is it because we crave structure, the promise of a clean slate, or simply because everyone else is doing the same? Yet starting on a random Friday or the 14th of the month doesn’t seem to carry the same weight. Do you also reckon so?

A Reminder I Needed

Tue, 24 Dec 2024 10:00:00 +0000

These past two weeks have tested me more than I expected. Not long after I told my coach how blessed I’d been to avoid injuries that sidelined me from running this year, everything seemed to unravel. I probably jinxed it!

It started with a spider bite that turned into an infection so bad I needed surgery to drain it. The wound had to stay open, so running was out of the question. Just as I started easing back into it, I had an allergic reaction to the plaster covering the still-healing wound. I ended up running with the wound uncovered, which made me nervous and extra cautious.

The Occasional Triumph

Tue, 10 Dec 2024 10:00:00 +0000

If I had known on the 5th of December 2021 that it would take me three years—almost to the day—to improve the 10km time I ran that day, I’m not sure I would have laced up my shoes at all.

This past weekend, I finally broke that 10km personal best—three years of trying, failing, and trying again. For most of this year, I’d been actively chasing this goal, coming so close—just seconds away—on several occasions. But no matter how hard I tried, it refused to fall. Until this weekend…

Enjoying Where I Am

Tue, 26 Nov 2024 10:08:43 +0000

I am so surprised by how much better I feel after my marathon this year, which was only a month ago, compared to how I felt after the previous two marathons I ran. I reckon I’ve recovered well and am back to running strongly.

Mentally, I also feel far less lost than before. I thought that because I hadn’t already entered next year’s edition of the Cape Town Marathon, I would feel aimless, but I don’t. Instead, I feel like there’s much less pressure on me. I haven’t set any new goals for next year yet either, and that’s also not bothering me.

It's Not The Grand Gestures

Tue, 12 Nov 2024 10:00:00 +0000

I recently attended a talk by Mark Sham titled Happiness Isn’t What You Think. During the presentation, he guided us through an exercise on gratitude:

Think of someone you’re grateful for.
Meditate on why you’re grateful to have this person in your life.
Write down these reasons in a letter.
When the opportunity arises, read this letter to that person.

I feel incredibly fortunate to have many people in my life to be grateful for, but for this exercise, the first person who came to mind was my husband. Reflecting on why I am so thankful to have him in my life made me feel deeply emotional, and I’d like to share those reasons.

Don't stop until you're proud

Tue, 29 Oct 2024 10:00:00 +0000

The wind was howling when I awoke, long before dawn on race day. I’d listened to it since midnight, a constant, relentless reminder of the challenge awaiting me. Although I don’t consider myself a fair-weather runner, stepping out in weather like this is something I’d be hesitant to do even for a training run. But this wasn’t just any run; it was race day: the culmination of all the hours and countless kilometres.

Reflecting on my 2024 marathon training

Tue, 15 Oct 2024 10:00:00 +0000

In less than a week I’ll be lining up for the 2024 Cape Town Marathon. Less than a week… It’s hard to believe that by this time next week, the marathon I’ve dedicated so much to will already be behind me. The thought that I won’t run it next year makes me sad. (I’ve decided to focus on improving my 10km and 21km times next year, perhaps working towards a goal like a 2h30m half-marathon.)

Blackmailing My Processes

Tue, 01 Oct 2024 10:00:00 +0000

Three weeks ago, just after 4:00 on a Sunday morning when I had a 15km run scheduled, I sent this message to my running coach:

“I woke up on time to join Run Zone, but I’m still exhausted (despite going to bed before 19:00 last night). I can’t go on like this… I can’t wake up daily feeling like death warmed up and keep pushing through. I’m going back to sleep and will probably run the RH 5km route x3 later by myself.”

The Power of Feeling Welcome

Tue, 17 Sep 2024 10:00:00 +0000

I had the privilege of being invited to give a talk at a Weigh-Less group two weeks ago. From the moment I received the invitation, I was made to feel included and wanted. The group leader was caring and considerate, ensuring I felt valued even before I arrived.

Once I got there, the warmth and kindness only multiplied. The first member I met went above and beyond to make me comfortable, offering coffee multiple times and suggesting water or tea when I declined. She wasn’t taking no for an answer but in the most endearing way! I felt embraced by people who were genuinely happy to see me, even though I was a stranger to most of them. I felt at ease and not at all like an outsider.

In the Thick of Things

Tue, 03 Sep 2024 10:00:00 +0000

Currently, I find myself deep in the trenches of marathon training, experiencing a touch of deja vu. At this point, the excitement of signing up has long faded, and the reality of the hard work that the challenge demands is all too real. It’s hard not to ask myself: “Why did I sign up for this again?”

Marathon training demands everything I’ve got—and then some. And the demands on me aren’t just physical. With four children writing tests, completing assignments, and partaking in Eisteddfod practices and performances, swimming galas, cycling tournaments, and school concerts, I juggle more than I often think possible. The days blur together in a whirlwind of activities, leaving little time to rest and recover, which I desperately need to keep up with my training.

How close can I get?

Tue, 20 Aug 2024 10:00:00 +0000

This year, I made a mindset shift that profoundly impacted my running and life.

Working with a coach comes with the benefit of having structured workouts, each with specific pace goals. Sometimes, these goals apply to the entire run; other times, my workouts are broken down into segments, each with its own target pace.

Last year, I struggled to hit my pace goals. Workout after workout, I fell short, frustrating me to no end. Sometimes I wondered, “What’s the point of running if I can’t execute my workouts correctly?” It felt like I needed to hit those targets occasionally, at least, to keep my motivation alive.

The Power of a Stranger's Kind Words

Tue, 06 Aug 2024 10:00:00 +0000

Recently, I had my first-ever podiatrist appointment. My left knee and foot have been troubling me since the beginning of the year and although my knee had finally improved, my foot did not follow suit, so I needed it checked by a professional.

At the start of the appointment, the podiatrist reviewed my medical history and running background. I explained that I began running at the end of 2018 and have undergone a significant transformation, losing 80kg since February 2017 and that it’s now been nearly five years since finishing my weight-loss journey. When asked about my maintenance journey, I explained that I stopped weighing myself at the end of 2021 and have no idea what my current weight is, but I manage my weight by exercising and eating well. I no longer wish to worry about or focus on the scale.

It's only cold when you're standing still

Tue, 23 Jul 2024 10:00:00 +0000

The week before last has been one of the coldest weeks I’ve ever experienced in the few short years that I’ve been running. Tuesday morning in particular was freezing cold, and many a morning I had to remind myself that I wouldn’t get another opportunity later in the day to run. So, I had better get out of my warm bed and face the cold—even if it meant dressing in double leggings, two tops, a windbreaker, gloves, and a buff to cover my ears.

Go away perfectionism!

Tue, 09 Jul 2024 10:00:00 +0000

I once read something like this: “Aim for the stars, and if you miss, you’re likely to reach the moon still.” Or something like that…

But what if the moon is not where you want to be?

Last week, I had one of my best runs in nearly three years. It was my third-best time and pace ever. I’ve worked incredibly hard for this run to go so well. Every stride, every breath, and every drop of sweat has been a testament to my dedication. Achieving this time is an amazing milestone, especially considering the challenging year I have had thus far. It’s a reminder of my progress and resilience.

Why do we keep self-inflicting "suffering"?

Tue, 25 Jun 2024 10:00:00 +0000

While stuck in traffic for three hours on the way back from Comrades the evening after the race, I sat in the car contemplating whether I would ever volunteer at the Comrades again. It had been a long day; we had all worked exceptionally hard and were hungry, tired, and not in the volunteering mood anymore. I didn’t share this thought with my friends, but I’m sure we all felt the same way then. Yet, as the week progressed, the idea of helping out again seemed more and more appealing to me.

Comrades 2024

Wed, 12 Jun 2024 10:00:00 +0000

This past weekend, my friends and I had the incredible opportunity to support our fellow runners participating in the 2024 Comrades Marathon. We assisted 41 runners from various clubs, ensuring their race nutrition was prepared and handed over 30km into the race. Most of these runners train with us under Michelle’s guidance, and a few close friends also entrusted us with their race needs.

Organising this effort required extensive planning and hard work. I never anticipated an easy task; I knew it would be challenging and exhausting. Watching the Comrades from my living room is a far cry from being out there on the ground. Watching the finish line live was intense and emotional—I often found myself in tears—but while working at our station, we had no time for emotions as we focused on our responsibilities.

Love Yourself Like You've Never Been Hurt

Tue, 28 May 2024 10:00:00 +0000

Recently, a reader of mine, who has become a friend over the past two years, completed her first marathon. One of the first questions she ever asked me was on how to rekindle self-love. The completion of her inaugural marathon made me think back to this question. I felt the need to revisit my answer, and I wondered if, during her marathon training, my friend discovered an answer of her own to her original question.

Navigating Weight Management Exhaustion

Tue, 14 May 2024 10:30:00 +0000

Over the past two weeks, I’ve seen two inspiring stories on my social media feed of individuals who underwent bariatric surgery and became avid runners. I don’t know a diplomatic way to say this so I will say it straight up: These stories always make me feel so jealous. But upon deeper reflection, I realise it’s not just jealousy I sense; there’s also a profound admiration for their determination and the support they received through their journey.

The reason most diets fail

Tue, 30 Apr 2024 11:57:27 +0000

This past week, a post in a weight loss group I follow struck a chord:

“I so desperately want to join but am afraid I’ll fail again.”

This post makes it seem like there are only two options: either you’re following a program or you’re not (and there’s a leap of faith to take between the two options). But it’s not that simple. There’s more nuance to it. Yet, many hold onto this binary belief, which, in my opinion, is the main reason why most diets fail.

Are we only worthy when we achieve?

Tue, 16 Apr 2024 10:30:00 +0000

Last Wednesday, as usual, I was out for an early morning run. On my way back to my car, I passed by a homeless person. It was evident that he had spent the night nearby, as he was busy preparing for the day ahead, applying deodorant spray to his upper body.

Observing this scene, I couldn’t help but notice the disparity between his circumstances and the small act of self-care he engaged in. Despite his lack of access to basic amenities like regular bathing, his decision to apply deodorant spoke volumes about his resilience and sense of dignity. To an outsider like myself, his situation might have seemed hopeless. However, he still cared and retained some hope.

The Benefits of Pushing Limits

Tue, 02 Apr 2024 10:30:00 +0000

In recent months, I’ve been pushing myself hard, especially in my 5km time trials. And it’s paying off—I can now run them about 4 minutes faster than I could at the start of the year.

When I’m honest about it, I have to admit that, in general, working hard sucks. It’s tough to always be up by 4:30 so I can hit the road early enough to be at my desk in time for my workday to start. It’s hard to keep at it consistently. When I then add extra pressure on myself to push even harder during a time trial, it’s exhausting and leaves me tired for days. Yet I can’t stop smiling when things work out as planned. The benefits must outweigh the tiredness, as it’s not just about feeling happy.

Limiting beliefs

Tue, 19 Mar 2024 10:30:00 +0000

At a recent business update session, as a motivational talk, we discussed limiting beliefs, which made me think of something I wrote in ‘My First Marathon Training’:

“There are two things I believe about myself and running: I don’t have it in me to run the second half of a long run faster than the first. I cannot run much faster than I currently do.”

Originally, I considered the above two beliefs as just me being realistic (which is also important to be from time to time). But after our business update session, I can now see they were limiting beliefs, as I’ve since proven both wrong and for a long time, I was scared to, for example, start a long run cautiously to finish it stronger. That is the problem with limiting beliefs. They prevent us from trying.

Empowered and supported

Tue, 05 Mar 2024 10:30:00 +0000

“I am not where I want to be yet, but I feel empowered and supported to get there.”

These were my words to my coach when I thanked her two weeks ago for coaching me this past year. It is not like I pondered for long on what to say to her. The words just sort of slipped out - since then, these words have been milling around in my mind.

Keep on running

Tue, 20 Feb 2024 10:30:00 +0000

Recently, I had the honour of pacing a fellow runner on her 5 km time trial. Pacing someone is a stressful task to undertake. I was mainly worried about disappointing her by not having her reach her target.

Beforehand, I worked out a pacing strategy for us, taking into account the elevation gain of the route we were going to run. This pacing strategy should’ve comfortably gotten us to 40 minutes, maybe even a bit faster if we could finish strong.

Support groups

Tue, 06 Feb 2024 10:30:00 +0000

A weekend ago, one of my

Consistently sticking to commitments

Tue, 23 Jan 2024 10:00:00 +0000

I don’t know what to write about today; I don’t feel like I have any words of wisdom to share. However, I also don’t want to break my writing streak. There is something about committing to myself and sticking to that commitment that cements the idea of the type of person I wish to be.

These past two weeks have been all about getting back into a routine. I’ve been slowly but surely getting back into a proper training routine again, been back at work, and the children have started going back to school. As I wait for the dust to settle from the whirlwind of restarted activities so we can find our rhythm again, I try to take a step back and look at my life from the outside in, which looks like a completely different life than the one I had before.

Why Good Intentions Alone Don't Work

Tue, 09 Jan 2024 13:55:22 +0000

We’ve all been there. We want to eat healthier. We want to exercise more. But when push comes to shove and we are back in our routine, and life becomes busy again, we forget about our good intentions to eat healthily or exercise more - until the next new year, that is.

Good intentions often remain just that. Why?

Perhaps pulling a metaphor for this problem closer would help explain it better. A friend and I have been saying for at least the past six months now that we should grab a coffee together at some stage. Every time I see her at school or next to the sports field, we would reiterate this good intention. I would say, “Send me a message with a time that would work for you,” and the next message from her is to ask what today’s homework was. Or she would say, “Let me know when you would like to go.” But then the next thing I need to know from her is whether she’s perhaps seen my son’s lost shoes. And so it goes on. Life is just too busy.

Embracing Change: Building a Life You Love

Tue, 09 Jan 2024 10:00:00 +0000

My immediate family and I enjoyed the coastal sun and waves for the past two weeks. Leaving a piece of my heart behind in the small town, the sadness of returning to city life sparked the discussion again between my husband and me about whether we should consider moving to a smaller coastal town. Years ago, we had our house on the market, serious about moving, but COVID happened, and those plans were cancelled.

Guilt-free holidays

Tue, 26 Dec 2023 10:00:00 +0000

Welcome to that week between Christmas and New Year when even the days of the week become a mystery. This time of year, akin to limbo, is truly special. My children’s stationary and school clothes are mostly sorted and ready for the upcoming year—well, they’ll survive with what hasn’t been sorted yet. Christmas has come and gone, and it feels as though the entire world has collectively decided to take a bit of a breather.

Owning your value

Tue, 12 Dec 2023 06:59:31 +0000

I have been participating in a reflection workshop since the beginning of December. I also took part in this workshop last December. It is a wonderful way to conclude a year.

One of our recent prompts for introspection was: ‘Where did you own your value this year?’ To unpack this prompt, I used the following rationale: To understand where I owned my value this year, I first need to comprehend what it means to own my value.

The race is the reward

Mon, 19 Jun 2023 10:34:28 +0000

When I stood at the start of the 2022 Cape Town Marathon, it felt to me as if everything that I had done since 7 February 2017 - rejoining Weigh-less, starting to run, losing 80kg, going for therapy, writing a book, joining a running club, working with a coach - had all accumulated to one single point in time.

And when I crossed the finish line of the 2022 Cape Town Marathon, I realised that every now and then hard work is rewarded.

Commit to when to start running again before walking

Wed, 07 Jun 2023 15:43:12 +0000

“Tell me at what point we will start running again.”

It was my first time running ten kilometres with Coach Michelle, of which the first three kilometres were basically all uphill. I had just asked for a walking break when she asked the aforementioned question. I must’ve frowned at her in response…

“We cannot walk indefinitely. Commit to a point where we will start running again.”

I cannot recall which point I picked, and later on, she started picking points for me ‘cause I was obviously too indecisive - or too tired. But afterwards, this concept of committing to start running again was a take-home for me from that first ten kilometres of running with Michelle.

What motivates me to push harder?

Sun, 30 Apr 2023 13:16:05 +0000

An observation from my run with Michelle on Friday was that I don’t push myself nearly hard enough. There were many times during that run I desperately wanted to run slower. And I would’ve… if it wasn’t for Michelle’s persistent pushing.

I shared this observation with Michelle. She said: “You need to learn to push yourself. It comes from your intrinsic motivation which you need to get in touch with.”

How I started writing

Mon, 24 Apr 2023 15:31:16 +0000

I didn’t come to write, I believe, in the same fashion other authors did. I’ve never attended literature school - although I love languages and have always enjoyed reading.

When I started therapy, the first in-depth discussion point between myself and my therapist was the relationship between my sister, who committed suicide, and me. My therapist wanted me to imagine myself going to heaven and fighting out all my issues with her. “Get rid of the anger,” he said.

The story after the ending

Mon, 06 Mar 2023 17:46:44 +0000

When we watch the ending of a movie or read the final chapter of a book, it is easy to assume that the rest of the story will continue that way: “And they lived happily ever after…” But real life doesn’t work that way - we can arrive but not stay forever. Yet, that seems to be the expectation and, I believe, a lie we tell ourselves.

Yes, we get to end projects - and the world can certainly do with more people completing what they’ve started - but what happens after the end is more important - and perhaps the more difficult journey.

Edna White's interview with me

Wed, 01 Mar 2023 15:13:38 +0000

Edna’s interview with me.

We talk about my book, Eighty kilos of Shame, specifically two chapters that resonated with Edna. She didn’t tell me beforehand which two chapters, which made the interview very interesting…

Virtual Launch: My First Marathon Training

Thu, 09 Feb 2023 13:33:00 +0000

My First Marathon Training's Launch

Sat, 28 Jan 2023 17:28:33 +0000

You are invited.

Yes, that time is correct.

Yes, I am going to be there for a while if you cannot make 7:30, no problem.

Yes, I will bring copies of my first book (both English and Afrikaans versions) as well.

Card facilities will be available.

5th day

Thu, 05 Jan 2023 15:01:22 +0000

It’s, I believe, too early into the new year to already feel like I just want to stay in bed, and especially like I do not want to exercise. Yet, here I am, feeling this way already on the 5th day of the year. The rain is of course not helping.

It scares me when days like these make me feel like nothing I do works and make me wonder if it all really is worth it. All the early mornings… All the exercises that I cannot do, yet try my best to get right… All futile…

Wednesday, 30 November 2022

Wed, 30 Nov 2022 13:37:41 +0000

For the third consecutive week, my Wednesday training brief is a 60-minute run with a 20-minute faster finish.

The first time I attempted this session with a mindset of: I always fail when attempting a faster finish, but I’ll try… I didn’t mess it up completely, but I ran out of oomph when it mattered.

The second time I tried rectifying some of my previous mistakes. I reckon I ran that session rather well. My split graph resembled a faster finish, even though I was still in the red zone and not meeting the last 20 minutes’ required pace.

Saturday, 19 November 2022

Sat, 19 Nov 2022 17:11:10 +0000

As it turns out, running 15 km after nearly five weeks of not running further than 10 km is not as easy as one-two-three. (I wanted to say “as easy as riding a bike”, but I didn’t want to offend any cyclists.)

Despite sticking to a low heart rate zone and not pushing myself, I found today’s 15 km run challenging. Strictly speaking, I did do more than my workout brief - the slightest of slightly more. Today’s workout was supposed to be only two hours long, but when two hours had elapsed, I had two kilometres left to reach 15, so I decided to go for it.

Thursday, 17 November 2022

Thu, 17 Nov 2022 15:14:16 +0000

Today’s strength training session was… different.

We did simple exercises, but many (MANY) repetitions of those exercises. There was no single exercise I couldn’t do or even struggled with - unlike what sometimes happens during a strength session. One would think I would’ve cruised through today’s session, but I did not. It was challenging! By the time of my work’s morning stand-up meeting, my legs were still shaking.

Strength training still remains one of my biggest workout challenges. Even, it seems, when the exercises are within my means.

Discipline

Sat, 12 Nov 2022 11:59:13 +0000

I have to word this carefully as I do not want it to sound pessimistic.

I find things don’t work for me as it does for others.

When I rest, I become unfit quickly.

Although it was hard work training for a marathon, marathon training caused me to run slower. I know we were training to run further, not faster. But still…

My experience is that I have to be exceptionally disciplined with everything, otherwise it does not work as it should. But I have been working for years to break my “all or nothing” patterns — which usually resulted in nothing. I try to live by an “always something”-mentality. It doesn’t seem to serve me well, though. As if “always something” is not enough.

Wednesday, 9 November 2022

Wed, 09 Nov 2022 15:54:40 +0000

Today’s training was a 40-minute strength session. My workout included sets of hold, flow and high-energy exercises.

I found the hold exercises in each set the most strenuous. There were squat, plank, lunge, pilates-hundreds (I am unsure if this name is correct) and bear-crawl positions to hold for as long as 40 seconds at a time. These exercises were challenging!

The flow and high-energy exercises were easier to manage, but I struggled whenever I needed to jump out of a position — someday I will get this right. At the end of today’s session, Jateen said he found the chest-to-floor-getups one of the easier exercises of the day. I do not share his viewpoint.

This is me

Tue, 31 May 2022 17:51:00 +0000

Who am I? I always start answering this question by saying that I am a software engineer, a happily married mother of four, an avid runner and the author of two books. That is more or less the order these things occurred in: software engineer, married, mother, runner, author.

But those are things that I do. They are not who I am. So, if I take all of those out of the equation, who am I really?

Zone 50 Challenge

Sun, 17 Apr 2022 17:41:00 +0000

And it is a wrap!

What an incredible three days of running. Thank you RunZone and especially Graham Block.

Day 1 - 30 km
This was the race I needed to push myself in the most. I’ve never run 30 km, but we heard rain forecasts for the weekend, and I wanted to have the extra 10 km to play with if necessary.

Day 2 - 20 km
This was the most challenging route of the three days. If I never run this route again, it will be too soon. I could also feel the previous day’s 30 km and it was difficult to push through.

My Training Went Well Until It Didn’t

Sun, 03 Apr 2022 17:39:30 +0000

I always push myself during our running club’s Wednesday afternoon time trial. The time trial from two Wednesdays ago was no different. I pushed and pushed some more; I ran my heart out. Yet my watch recorded a disappointing 38m 17s — more than two minutes slower than the former time I ran it!

Back at our clubhouse I reluctantly filled in my time on our leaderboard sheet. Our club chairman spotted me and asked, “How did your run go?”